Disclaimers – Buffy, Willow, Cordelia and others from the show belong to
Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.
Feedback – eternal_light2000@yahoo.com
Buffy
sat with her back to the cold brick wall in the four by ten foot box that had
become her home. She brought a freshly
lit cigarette to her mouth. Small
tremors ripped through her left hand as she exhaled.
Buffy
switched the tape over quickly with her good hand. It was a skill she had perfected last week. The lesser the noise around her, the better
off she was. Somehow listening to
Devon’s voice and Oz's guitar playing helped her forget the past fourteen years
for just a few minutes.
A
sketch pad sat beside her waiting for her to mark its unblemished surface. Another masterpiece, or so Willow called
them. She would visit every two months
to leave new canvases and take the drawings to sell at Joyce’s gallery. She could have made quite a living on the
outside. Instead half the money went to
Joyce, as an apology, to pay for the court fees and medical bills. The other half went to Willow as financial
backing for raising Kat.
Willow. She almost smiled when she thought of
her. She’d been Buffy’s only regular
visitor in the years since she’d been convicted. Why Willow continued to visit her was beyond her knowledge. She didn’t deserve to be visited; in fact,
she had begged Willow to stop coming, but Willow refused to listen to her
pleas. She filled her in on the
happenings in Sunnydale. She told her
how Kat was growing up to be a fine young adult. She told her of the eight slayers since Kendra's murder that had
died so young. Willow kept her filled in on the newest slayer who had so far
managed to stay alive longer than any of the other slayers since that night...
Not that she’d be able to help the new slayer even if her newest appeal to the
courts happened to be successful. The
prison guard had made sure of that when he conveniently missed his intended
target.
Buffy's
eyes snapped open at the familiar squeal of the food cart. A tier guard shoved what the prison liked to
call food into her cell. She didn’t
move from her position at the back of the
room
as Devon’s voice sang about a fair skinned red-headed beauty. Oz had written that song for Willow just a
few months before their breakup.
Buffy
turned off the tape player and did the only thing she knew how to do
anymore. She lit another cigarette.
********************************************************************
Buffy
stared at the wall that separated her from the outside. Jagged barbed-wire lined the top. She wondered what those on the outside were
doing.
Was
Oz traveling to his next concert or making public appearances?
Was
Xander safe wherever the army had shipped him to? She hoped that he was stuck behind some office desk but seriously
doubted it. According to the radio
there was a war brewing in the Middle East.
Was
Willow trying to save another dying person at Sunnydale General Hospital? Buffy smiled. Willow had the kindest heart.
Even after all she’d been through, Willow was still an innocent soul.
Was
Giles buried under a pile of books trying to decipher the newest prophecy?
She
wondered if she would ever see the outside again. No, probably not. Not
with the mayor of Sunnydale being a demon with connections. He had made sure that she would never be in
his way again.
Buffy
chuckled. He forgot about Kendra’s
replacement. So long Mr. Mayor. It didn’t really matter because the damage
had been done. The clock on her life
had started clicking when the police had hand-cuffed her in the hospital
shortly after giving birth to Kat.
“I’ll
see you in hell,” she muttered, turning away from the wall and back to the
body’s jammed into the exercise yard.
********************************************************************
“Sit
over there. She’ll be out in a minute.”
The prison guard led Willow into the meeting room.
As
Willow looked around, she saw several of Buffy’s drawings as well as those of
other inmates. She had been surprised
when Joyce had shown her some of Buffy’s drawings from when she was in
L.A. In the two years that she had
known Buffy before her conviction, she hadn’t even realized that Buffy could
draw. She was extremely surprised at
how good the drawings were.
The
familiar buzz of the door opening brought Willow out of her thoughts. Buffy was lead in by two guards. One had a tight grip on her left arm the
other held firmly to her right shoulder.
Willow thought they were a little too rough with her but then they
always were like this. “Policy’s
policy,” they told her every time she complained.
Buffy
looked a lot worse then the last time she had seen her. She had definitely lost too much
weight. Dark circles hung under her
eyes making them look sunken. Willow
also thought she saw something else in Buffy’s eyes but couldn't quite identify
it.
“Are
they feeding you here?” Willow watched as Buffy bent her head towards her waist
and her left wrist which was cuffed to a belt around her waist. She put a cigarette in her mouth and then
lit it. Willow thought about warning
Buffy on how smoking could kill a person, but decided not to, considering where
Buffy had spent twelve years of her life.
“Are you eating what they give you?”
“Sometimes.”
She
nodded towards Buffy’s right arm, schooling her face to remain passive like she’d
been taught in medical school. The arm
ended just above the elbow. An accident
the state had called it. Willow didn’t
know what was accidental about a guard missing a target some five feet
away. But that was in the past and her
Buffy had lost her right arm in the process.
“Do
you still have pain?” The arm looked
better than the last time she had seen it.
Most of the swelling had gone away completely, leaving jagged, puffy
scars.
“Sometimes
at night.” Buffy shrugged, they’d give her aspirin but that was it.
“What
about the phantom pains?”
“Yeah. Sometimes I get ‘em.” Her arm was something she didn’t want to
think about yet, and definitely didn’t want to talk about. “Where’s Kat? I thought she was coming.”
Willow
looked down, not wanting to see Buffy’s reaction. “She didn’t want to come.
The kids at school have been saying things to her since the last appeal
picked up the media buzz.”
“Oh...I
see.” Buffy lit another cigarette. She blinked several times to keep the tears
that wanted to form from happening. She
would not cry. The only time that she'd
cried in a long while was when the bullet had shattered her elbow. “You know they set an execution date.” It wasn’t a question.
“Yeah. They called your mom. They asked about the funeral
arrangements. She was pretty upset.”
"I’ll
bet." Buffy couldn't help but
chuckle. Her mom had kicked her out of
the house a long time ago and it was no secret that she thought Buffy was
guilty of Kendra’s murder. She wouldn’t
even help Willow raise Kat.
“Buffy,”
Willow scolded, “She is upset. Her only daughter will be led to her death
in a month if the parole board hearing isn’t successful."
Buffy
leaned in close to Willow's ear. “I’m
not her only daughter. Hell, I’m not
even her biological daughter.”
“What?”
“Mom
had a girl. When she was three she
died. They weren’t successful when they
tried again so they adopted me. I
overheard it all shortly before mom and dad separated.”
“Wrap
it up.” The guard told them.
“I
brought you some more drawing pads and batteries and Oz made a tape of that
song you wrote.” Willow took Buffy's
hand. “I love you Buffy. Giles is going to find a way. Okay?”
Buffy
smiled at Willow’s sincerity. She
didn’t deserve to hear those words. “I
lo...tell Kat that I love her and there’s a drawing for her.” She called over her shoulder as the guards
jerked her out of the room.
********************************************************************
She
was last shift to take a shower so all of the other inmates had already had
theirs. The water beat down on her
shoulders and she shivered slightly.
Ever since Willow’s visit she couldn’t seem to get warm. Willow’s firm statement that Giles would
find a way to prove her innocence should have been reassuring to her but it
wasn’t.
What
if her parole was denied? She would
have a week to try and make peace with the man above. Buffy knew she didn't really have anything to make peace about. Kendra was murdered by a crazed vampire, but
she couldn't tell anyone that. They
would laugh at her and call her
desperate
or insane.
Buffy
watched as the last of the water ran down the drain, then grabbed a towel. The buzz on the block had picked up greatly
in the past couple of days. Some of the
inmates would look at her and then whisper to those standing near them, just
like Cordy and her friends did in high school.
Those that she did allow to be close to her told her that they were
praying for her. She wanted to tell
them that she’d need more than their prayers.
The
guards led her into her cell. Once the
hand-cuff was taken off she sat on the cot and picked up the tape Oz had made
for her. She’d asked him to take a
glance at a song she’d written five years back. She’d never expected him to make a tape of it. Sighing, she lay down
on
the cot her arm pillowing her head.
Oz’s soft strum of the guitar filled her ears, blocking out the thoughts
of the parole hearing tomorrow.
“We chase misprinted lies
We face the path of time
And yet I fight, and yet I fight
This battle all alone
No one to cry to
No place to call home
My gift of self is raped
My privacy is raked
And yet I find, yet I find
Repeating in my head
If I can’t be my own
I’d feel better dead.”
********************************************************************
In the darkest hole
You’d be well advised
Not to plan my funeral before the body
dies
Come the morning light
It's a see-through show
What you may have heard and what you
think you know.
Buffy
felt the eyes of those sitting in the folding chairs behind her pierce into her
back. She could feel the hatred
penetrating from some... love from others.
She felt an incredible sadness and despair deep down inside her.
This
was it. Her moment of truth.
Would
she get parole? Or would her life end
in seven days? She tried to concentrate
on what her lawyer was saying but her thoughts were everywhere. She hadn’t slept much last night. Every time she closed her eyes she
remembered that night.
“...Buffy
Summers is not a murderer. You have
heard several testimonials that back this.”
Her lawyer walked up to the podium in the middle of the room. “Of all the witnesses, one placed her in the
area of the crime. This one witness has
a known vendetta against my client. No
murder weapon was discovered, no fingerprints found on the victim matched those
of my client, and yet she was convicted in four days...”
The
lawyer stood in front of the board. “My
client was seventeen, a junior in high school, at the time. She has spent fourteen of her thirty-one
young years behind these very walls. If
you choose to continue with the execution of Buffy Summers you will not be
bringing back a life, but adding a death.”
The
prosecutor stood up. “Fourteen years
ago, a young woman was murdered by Buffy Summers. Her throat was slit and she was left to die in a high school
library, a place where hundreds of young kids go to learn. Buffy Summers has had a lengthy court
review, as well as
several
appeals. There has never been a doubt
in the court’s mind as to who committed this murder...”
The
prosecutor looked at Buffy before turning back to the board. “The victim’s family will never see their
daughter grow up and get married. They
won’t have any grandchildren... Imagine yourselves in the place of this
family. Find your backbone and precede
with the execution of Buffy Summers.”
Time and space never ending
Disturbing thoughts, questions pending
Limitations of human understanding
Too quick to criticize
Obligation to survive
We hunger to be alive.
After
awhile she’d lost track of time. Her
lawyer told her the more time the board took, the better her chances.
When
the doors finally opened and the board came in, her heart started pounding so
fast she thought she was having a heart attack. She was overcome with dizziness and had to force herself to look
at the men and women in front of her.
They held her fate.
The
board member in the middle picked up the microphone. “It is the finding of this board that clemency be denied to Buffy
Summers. Execution will be carried out
one week hence.”
She
thought she heard her lawyer say that he’d make appeals to the state and
federal courts but she couldn’t really hear anything but Willow crying.
As
the guards led her out of the room, several people whispered about justice
finally being served. They led her past
Giles, Willow and Kat. Giles tried to
comfort Willow. He had aged since she’d
last seen him; his hair was now completely gray and his lips were drawn into a
line tight with worry. She noticed that
neither her mother nor her father was present.
Kat
looked down when she glanced at her. Buffy
knew that, no matter what, she’d find a way to make up for missing out on
almost all of her daughters life.
Willow
gave her a shaky smile when she looked back before going through the doors.
********************************************************************
Giles
jumped when his phone rang. He had been
extremely jumpy in the days since the parole board hearing. He and Buffy’s lawyer had sent appeals and
petitions to just about anyone they could, but the result was always the
same. He’d even made a plea to the
Watcher’s Council but they refused to even listen to them. He had two days to come up with something. None of them wanted to admit it, but they
lost hope when the board denied Buffy clemency. When he’d
visited
Buffy earlier in the week, she’d seem plagued by something but she wouldn’t
tell him anything, just said her good-byes and gave him a letter to open after
she was gone.
“Hello?”
“Rupert
Giles?”
“Yes. Who is this?” It was a male voice that sounded familiar but he couldn’t quite
place it. He didn’t know who would be
calling him this late at night.
“I
have something that might free Buffy Summers.
I’ll be in the alley behind the Bronze.
Bring the lawyer but don’t tell anyone else..." Giles held the
receiver long after the caller had hung up.
Maybe his prayers would be answered.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
I'm not ready for this
Though I thought I would be
She
stumbled down the alley holding her swollen stomach. She pulled the tattered clothes that she'd stolen around
her. She tried to out-run them but she
was too weak. They followed her,
taunting her.
Angel
laughed at her as her legs gave out.
“Does it hurt lover?” He pulled the sword out of his chest. “You killed me.”
Jenny’s
dead eyes gazed through her. “Giles
blames you. We could’ve had a great
life together but you killed me.”
Kendra
stood over her holding her neck blood dripping from her hand. “If you hadn’t let your heart get in the
way, I’d be alive. I’m dead because of
you.”
“Nnnnnnnoooooooo........” she screamed as pain ripped through her
stomach.
Buffy
jerked awake and the guards outside her cell shifted. Every time she’d fall asleep, she’d had that nightmare.
The
week had ticked by faster than she thought it would. Her spiritual advisor had tried to help her prepare for the
transition, but the more at peace she felt, the worse the nightmare became.
I don’t want to leave you
Even though I have to
I
don’t want to love you
I still do
Willow
and Kat had visited her the day before.
She hated good-byes. She
couldn’t stand good-byes. She had said
goodbye to too many people she’d loved.
Giles
had told her earlier in the week that Willow had been a mess since the
hearing. She hoped that Willow would
make it through the next twenty-four hours without a complete breakdown. Buffy didn’t know what her feelings for
Willow were. She loved her like a
sister but that was the extent of her love.
During her time in prison she’d grown closer to Willow and further away
from everyone else.
Maybe
it was for the best that she hadn’t discussed her feelings with Willow face to
face. The letter she sent home with
Willow would explain everything. Buffy
rolled over, willing herself to sleep.
********************************************************************
I want to wake up and know where I’m
going
Say I’m ready
Say I’m ready
Buffy
sat in her cell, praying silently as the minute hand on the clock ticked by.
“Up
on your feet.” She started shaking when
the guards came into the cell.
Tears
fell from her eyes when the guards took a hold of her and led her out of the
cell and down the hallway. She’d said
her finally good-byes to everyone and had sent a letter to Xander with
Willow.
Kat
was the hardest one to say good-bye to.
The daughter that was a scientific impossibility. She didn’t really know her daughter, not on
the level that a mother was supposed to know her daughter.
I want to go where the rivers are
overflowing and
I’ll be ready
I’ll be ready to let the rivers wash over
me
I’m ready to let the rivers wash over me
Kat
burst into Willow’s room even though she wasn’t supposed to bother her while
she was taking a nap. Willow had been
working at the hospital well into the afternoon. When she came home she didn’t say much except to not bother her.
“Aunt
Willow!” Kat yelled shaking, Willow
awake.
“What? Kat what is it?” Willow rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. She looked at the dark sky outside her
window then glanced at her clock.
12:01
“On
the TV... you should hear this.” Kat
grabbed her hand pulling her out the door and down the stairs.
If the waters can redeem me
I’m ready
I’m ready
I’m ready to let the rivers wash over me
I’m ready to let the rivers wash over me
She
could hear the TV blaring a news report.
“I just got off the phone with a representative from Judge Johnson's
office. He stated that just a few hours
ago a Mr. Allan Finch...” The reporter looked down at a sheet of paper.
He
was standing outside of the prison where protesters were being forced back by
the police. “...who was the deputy
mayor of Sunnydale, California during the time of Buffy Summers’ arrest. Mr.
Finch provided the Judge with a videotape of a conversation between Mayor
Richard Wilkins and Judge Steven Conlin...” he paused, listening to something
in his ear.
The
phone rang beside Willow. “Hello?”
“Willow,
it’s Cordy. Are you watching the news?” Willow nodded her head but realized that
Cordy couldn’t see her.
“Uh
yeah. I’ll call you back.” Cordy had
changed in the years since high school and they’d become close friends. The reporters voice brought her thoughts
back to the TV.
“We
are told that the tape was a plan between the two men to convict Buffy
Summers...” Behind him the crowd broke through the police line. "I've just learned that Judge Johnson
has issued a stay of execution while the tape is being reviewed... stay tuned
for more reports.”
I want to wake up
I want to know where I’m going
I want to go where the rivers are
over-flowing
I’m ready to let the rivers wash over me
I’m ready
I’m ready ...